Thursday, July 29, 2010

50 Reasons I Reject Evolution

I got this from another blog,, but had to share it.

1.) Because I don’t like the idea that we came from apes… despite that humans are categorically defined and classified as apes.

2.) Because I’m too stupid and/or lazy to open a fucking science book or turn on the Discovery Science Channel.

3.) Because if I can’t immediately understand how something works, then it must be bullshit.

4.) Because I don’t care that literally 99.9% of all biologists accept evolution as the unifying theory of biology.

5.) Because I prefer the idea that a (insert god of choice) went ALLA-KADABRA-ZAM MOTHAH-FUCKAHS!!!

6.) Because I can’t get it through my thick logic-proof skull that evolution refers ONLY to the diversity of living organisms which reproduce with genetic variation, not to abiogenesis, or planet formation, or big bang cosmology, or whether God exists, or where they buried Jimmy Hoffa, or why the sky is blue, or how many licks it takes to get to the center of a fucking Tootsie Pop.

7.) Because the fossil record doesn’t comprise the remains of every single living thing that ever existed on this 4.5 billion year old planet, even though fossilization is a rare process that only occurs under very specific circumstances.

8.) Because science has yet to produce any transitional species… except for the magnitudinous numbers of them found in the fossil record which don’t count because… I uh, OOH LOOK! A SHINY OBJECT!!! *runs away*

9.) Because I know nothing about Darwin except that he had a funny beard.

10.) Because the theory of evolution (which, according to scientists, perfectly explains the richness and diversity of life on Earth) contradicts biblical literalism… ya know, flat Earth with a firmament that keeps out the water, talking snakes, people rising from the dead, bats are birds, flamey talking bushes, virgin births, food appearing out of nowhere, massive bodies of water turning into blood… etc etc.

11.) Because I think the word “theory” actually means: “random stabs in the dark” when it really means: "an explanation of certain phenomena that is well-supported by a large body of facts and often unifies similarly well-supported hypotheses" i.e. atomic theory, gravitational theory, germ theory, cell theory, some-people-are-dumb-motherfuckers-theory, etc.

12.) Because the fact that science is self-correcting annoys me. Most of my other beliefs are rigidly fixed and uncorrectable.

13.) Because I am under the severely mistaken impression that evolution implies someone in my very recent ancestry was a chimp.

14.) Because everything appears designed to my mind which was expertly tuned by nature to perceive design, probably as a survival mechanism.

15.) Because some secretly fabulous closet-dwelling televangelist (who unironically preaches hate towards gays) told me that evolution is Satan’s way of leading me away from God.

16.) Because that same guy (who was also caught snorting blow off a male hooker’s shiny naked ass) told me that God planted those fossils to test my faith.

17.) Because I’m 100% correct about everything 100% of the time and there is 0% chance that some snooty Oxford educated scientist with numerous honorary doctorates could possibly know something that I don’t.

18.) Because I don’t know that fossils are found in sedimentary strata corresponding to their age as one would expect if evolution were true.

19.) Because I don’t understand why, if we share common ancestry with chimps, there are still chimps. And when someone with more than three brain cells in their head inevitably replies: “for the same reason Americans share common ancestry with Brits but there are still Brits, I can’t follow the logic. It’s just too big a leap. Who am I, Evil Knievel?

20.) Because my mom dropped me on my head when I was a baby.

21.) Multiple times.

22.) On purpose.

23.) Because the idea that life evolved naturally over billions of years is infinitely less believable than the idea that an 800 year old man crammed two of every species into a giant wooden boat when the entire planet flooded, an event for which there is absolutely no geological evidence whatsoever and also makes no fucking sense at all.

24.) Because Jesus totally rode around on a fucking t-rex. He’s just that badassed. And also, did you know that t-rexes were vegetarians? Ken Ham says so and I believe it.

25.) Because I don’t realize that saying “microevolution is possible but macroevolution isn’t” is as stupid as saying “I can pick my nose for one second but I cannot pick it for 10 seconds.”

26.) Because the education system failed me miserably.

27.) …and then took a big wet dump on my face.

28.) Because I think that knowing how nature works magically obliterates all of its beauty.

29.) Because I didn’t know that evolution has been tested and observed in laboratories.

30.) Because when confronted with that, I refuse to believe it. It’s obviously a scientific conspiracy aimed at turning everyone on the planet into atheists... even though evolution says nothing about god's nature nor whether he, she, it, or they exist.

31.) Because I’m too stupid to realize that Social Darwinism has nothing to do with evolution and is actually a pseudo-scientific bastardization that real science largely rejects.

32.) Because the planet and all the life on it was designed for humans… kinda like how the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NY was designed specifically for the dust-bunnies that may accumulate on the floors.

33.) Because I don’t realize that if we actually found croco-ducks in the fossil record, it would falsify evolution.

34.) Because plenty of respectable people like Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, and Mike Huckabee (who are not scientists) don’t accept evolution, and that somehow validates my opinion.

35.) Because my mother didn’t know not to drink while she was pregnant. She also didn’t know not to repeatedly throw herself down a flight of stairs in an attempt to undo the accident of screwing someone who voted for Bush both times.

36.) Because I don’t know that “irreducible complexity” has been debunked a frazillion times by a frazillion different people and is no more credible an argument than “NEEN-er NEEN-er NEEN-er, I’m right and you’re wrong.”

37.) Because I have never seen a duck evolve into a cat over night, despite the fact that such a thing would be contrary to all known scientific disciplines.

38.) Because I have no imagination, learning is too much effort, I don’t like proven facts, change scares me, and I think deoxyribonucleic acid is something I’m supposed to clean my bathroom floors with.

39.) Because evolution means that I absolutely MUST reject everything else I know, abandon all my beliefs, and start aping around my house like a fucking monkey. OOOh-ooohh-ooohohh -OOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!

40.) Because I haven’t put my cave on the market and moved into the 21st century yet. I’m waiting for the cave market to rebound from the recent financial meltdown.

41.) Because I don’t know what an atavism is and if you told me, I still wouldn't believe it. Too weird.

42.) Because I don’t know that evolution explains methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus and also provides the answer in preventing it from turning into a superbug and killing massive numbers of people.

43.) Because I don’t know that evolution is routinely used in medicine to diagnose and treat certain illnesses such as genetic ailments, bacterial infections, and viral infections.

44.) Because I believe there is a strong comparison between designed inanimate objects such as buildings, paintings, and watches (which we know were pieced together from identifiable components by human beings) and living organisms (which reproduce with genetic variation under the effects of environmental attrition).

45.) Because I see no significant similarities between humans and apes. *scratches my ass-crack then smells my fingers*

46.) Because I think I’m too special to have been crafted by any natural process and the entire planet, solar system, galaxy, and universe were created with me especially in mind.

47.) Because I unquestioningly swallow the ignorant anti-science bullshit spewed directly from the fraudulent stupid asses of people like Ken Ham, Ted Haggard, Fred Phelps, and Kent Hovind.

48.) Because I’m a freethinker and freethinking really means ignoring anything that contradicts what I already believe.

49.) Because I don’t know what confirmation bias is.

50.) Because despite the fact that in all my years of life, I have never seen any magic, I still believe magic is the answer to anything I don’t immediately comprehend.

Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case. Quod erat demonstrandum, I fucking win. Take that you EVILutionists!

~By Bobbie Jean Pentecost

Maynard James Keenan Speaking the Truth

Found this on a neighbor blog. Thought I would share it because Tool is one of my favorite bands and I never realized what Judith was really about.

Water Shortage

My wife and I were coming back from Put-in-Bay and she was asleep in the car when I was really thirsty but didn't want to stop. I saw a McDonald's and went through the drive-through. I asked for a "big glass of water"(I don't really drink soda). Hesitation, then, "That'll be $1 please pull up." Ok, so maybe she thought I wanted a bottle of water. I get to the window and what appears to be the manager leans out the window and asks for the dollar. I said that I didn't want a bottle of water, just a glass so I could refill my big travel mug. I didn't even have a dollar and was not going to use my credit card. She said I could have a small water for no charge. I quickly replied "Whatever! I don't care what size it is!" A worker handed it out the door and I took off, pissed off to no end. What the hell is wrong with this world? I wanted a main ingredient to life! And someone was denying me this! If it had to do with the cost of the cup, lid, and straw (most likely) I could have handed my container through the window and they could have filled that! What the hell is this shit!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Nature Museum To Help Bring New Science-Teaching Techniques To Schools In Dallas

This is from a daily email I get from the National Education Association.

The Dallas Morning News (7/21, Hobbs) reports that the Dallas Independent School District (DISD), the Dallas Citizens Council, and the Dallas Museum of Nature & Science are collaborating on "a new program," called Leaders in Science, that will bring "fresh material and new science-teaching techniques to schools." Fifth-grade teachers and some fourth-grade teachers "will have access to a full-time museum staffer who will coordinate the program and make classroom visits." Teachers "also will receive lab support, collaborate with other teachers, and be able to request various artifacts to enhance learning." The Dallas Morning News notes that the program addresses the difficulty Texas students have faced in their attempts "to pass the science portion of the Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills."

Gee, I wonder why they can't pass the science test? It couldn't possibly have anything to do with the "teaching" of creationism!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Religious Exemptions in Health Reform

Read all about it! Healing through prayer covered by insurance! Sorry had to do it. Whatever over-simplification I am making is still cause for concern. I recently sent a pre-written letter to my representatives voicing my opinion that Christian prayer should not be covered through the new healthcare legislature. If people are supposed to be paying deductibles and premiums that are going into a pool that is encompassing this pseudo-science, then everyone should be raising their voices. Here is a letter from Sherrod Brown (OH), United States Senator in response:

Dear Mr. DiBattista:

Thank you for getting in touch with me regarding religious exemptions in health reform.

The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (PPACA), which was signed into law on March 23, 2010, requires that individuals and their dependents have health insurance coverage beginning in 2014. If an individual chooses not to obtain health insurance after 2014, he or she will have to pay a fine that is either a flat dollar amount or a percentage of income.

As you mention in your letter, some religious doctrines forbid medical treatment or specific medical procedures. Followers of these religions believe that receiving certain medical treatments would violate their First Amendment right to exercise their religion freely.

Therefore, the PPACA includes a religious conscience exemption, which states that the health insurance requirement does not apply to any individual who belongs to a recognized religious sect or division that is “conscientiously opposed to acceptance of the benefits of any private or public insurance which makes payments in the event of death, disability, old-age, or retirement or makes payments toward the cost of, or provides services for, medical care.”

This exemption does not apply to one specific religious group. Rather, in order to qualify for a religious exemption, individuals must demonstrate that they have rejected participation in public benefit programs like Social Security and that their beliefs have been in effect for a significant amount of time. Regulations concerning the exact process by which religious exemptions will be awarded are forthcoming from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

This exemption attempts to strike a balance between the constitutional right to religious freedom and the public policy imperative that there be broad participation in private insurance risk pools in order to keep costs down for everyone. Please know that I am closely monitoring the implementation of the new health reform law and will not hesitate to pursue improvements should they be needed.

Thank you again for getting in touch with me.


Sherrod Brown
United States Senator

Chat with a "believer"

I saw an ad on the tele for Need Him Ministries (click on the Watch our TV Spot at the bottom left) and I thought to myself, wow, this is a very in-your-face christian message. My curiosity was peaked. I found a chat link and began speaking with Casey R. The following is a transcript:

Christopher: Isn't it irresponsible of us as humans to interpret the physical workings of the universe as the product of supernatural causes as opposed to thinking logically and rationally about our place in the order of existence?

You are now speaking with Casey R of needhim-large.
Casey R: Hello

Christopher: Hi

Casey R: how are you?

Christopher: Good, yourself?

Casey R: i'm doing good

Casey R: so do you know Jesus as your King and Friend?

Christopher: I used to believe in it

Casey R: what caused you to stop?

Christopher: I began reading math books (I'm a math teacher) and physics books and then that led me to interesting online articles and videos and debates that really just made me stop and think, wow, how in the world did I actually believe this?

Casey R: so you let your intellect at the expense of your spirit

Casey R: then you came to the point where your head took over?

Christopher: When I say 'this' I mean christianity

Christopher: No my 'head' has always been a part of my way of life, but I was just acting escapist when I was a 'believer'

Christopher: You are however assuming something when you speak of spirit

Casey R: Chris your here to repent

Casey R: i cant force you to do what your here for

Casey R: but thats what your here for

Christopher: No I just wanted to chat about this.

Casey R: No you relize you've mess up a bunch

Casey R: and so you came to the chat to try and strenthen your belif in how mental you are

Casey R: when really your wrong and you know it

Christopher: Wow, that's pretty bold to say of someone that you have never met

Christopher: By the way, how old are you?

Casey R: haha i worked with you for an extended period of time

Casey R: not exactly you but the same basic person

Christopher: I have never met you

Casey R: yes but there are many people like you in the world

Christopher: But not one exactly like me

Casey R: yes there is a percentage different

Casey R: i thought you were big on math?

Casey R: didnt you know that phyically there is only a small variance

Christopher: What does that have anything to do with this?

Casey R: between the genes of one person and another

Casey R: the same is with personalities

Casey R: your self righitous

Casey R: and you need to become Christ righteious

Christopher: Yes but like I said there is not one person exactly like me and there never has been and never will be

Casey R: well technicalle we can create a clone of you

Casey R: and acording to your view of life that person would be exactly you

Christopher: And?

Christopher: What makes me self-righteous?

Casey R: because you belive that your mind is everything

Christopher: It is what we can always rely on to understand our surroundings in an empirical way.

Casey R: empirical knowlege is flawed

Christopher: Really? Like this reality isn;t the real reality?

Casey R: because many things cannot be observed

Casey R: Jesus came to this earth and explained to us the relatiy of many things that cannot be observed

Casey R: he taught that there was a system of non emperical rules

Christopher: And now we get into the area that creationists always fall back on. You can't observe god because he is outside our perceptive ability

Casey R: that when follwed allowed God to rule

Casey R: in our lives

Christopher: yeah called faith.

Casey R: no you can observe God by his works

Christopher: Really

Casey R: but it does require faith first

Christopher: Example

Casey R: and by the way i'm not the creationist that your typically use to

Casey R: i've even published on evoltuion

Christopher: So I have to have faith before I can look at the beauty of the earth and conclude that god made it

Casey R: no not that kind of works

Casey R: like when he touches a body and heals it

Christopher: Can you provide me one truly unbiased instance in history of this happening where there were multiple accounts?

Casey R: yes

Christopher: Shoot

Casey R: when i was 5 i slit my wrist

Casey R: maybe i was 4

Casey R: it was an accident i sorda thought i was superman

Casey R: and I lossed a large amount of blood and should have died

Casey R: but the Lord had mercy on me and healed me

Christopher: Ok so how do you know jesus saved you?

Christopher: You can find many instances in the medical field where people who should have died didn't

Casey R: the doctor amoung others said it was miraculous?

Christopher: It is a word in our vocabulary that you are interpreting in a meta-physical sense

Casey R: meh

Casey R: it was meta physicle

Casey R: ok

Casey R: i prayed and the Lord increased my iq

Casey R: he made me much smarter

Christopher: ?

Casey R: more than a standard deviation

Christopher: Now your being plain condescending. Just because you looked up a mathematical definition doesn't mean I'm impressed

Christopher: I will be impressed and will convert if you can prove that jesus healed you

Casey R: i'm gviing you another example

Christopher: of?

Casey R: i was dumb and he made me smart

Casey R: he healed my brain

Casey R: he is still working on it today but each day get a little better

Christopher: No you weren't dumb, you were either delusional or hallucinating. Do not be so hard on your rational self. It is all you have.

Casey R: no i had tests run and they came out poor

Christopher: Like mentally retarded?

Casey R: as far as your concerned yes

Casey R: by someone who was professionally trained to do so

Christopher: What do you mean "as far as your concerned yes"?

Christopher: You don't have to answer that if you don't want to

Your party has left this session.

Casey R: ok so are you ready to repent yet?

Christopher: no sorry man. i have to go though. I have to get ready for a meeting I have early tomorrow. It has been a pleasure speaking with you though. I hope you can one day come to a full rational realization of your place in this world.

Casey R: uh umm sure

Casey R: when you get ready to repent

Casey R: you can get on and someone will reintroduce you to the Lord

Casey R: :) Jesus Loves you and so do we :)

Christopher: Thanks take it easy

WOW! There are a couple of things that will jump out at you right away. Grammar? Sentence structure? This is why I asked how old he was. The strangest thing was the sense I had that he was a robot, or soldier. It's hard for me to describe. Very odd. Anyway I thought it might be interesting to post this and get some feedback.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Ridiculous State Laws

I watched this video Atheists legally banned from public office today and once again felt sad to be an American. A man who was recently elected to a city office position is trying to be ousted because he does not believe in god. According to the video, there are 7 states (Texas, Arkansas, both Carolinas, Tennessee, Mississippi, and Maryland) with laws in their state constitutions that make it illegal to hold public office as a non-believer. However, article 6 in our federal constitution states "No religious test shall ever be required as qualification to any Office or Public Trust under the United States." Fortunately there is something called the Supremacy Clause that states if there are contradicting articles between the Federal Constitution and a State Constitution, the Federal article takes precedence. What do personal beliefs have anything to do with your ability to carry out the tasks appointed to you in a public office position?